Balancing Act

Kids Need Consistency, Especially in Hard Times

“Balancing Act” is a new monthly column helping families better balance their work lives, home lives and down time.

By now, everyone knows President Barack Obama’s two daughters have an 8 p.m. bedtime. It’s one way he and the first lady keep their children’s lives as normal as possible and maintain a routine begun long ago.

Routine is important to every child, now more than ever in these challenging times, says Sylvia Yuen, director of the University of Hawaii-Manoa’s Center on the Family.

“Kids need structure in their lives and they need consistency. Their world has to be predictable,” says Yuen. In a new publication entitled “Raising Resilient Children During Tough Economic Times,” expected out in hard copy and online by May, the center will offer advice to families to help keep kids strong and centered.

“Very often, parents, because they have so many other things on their mind, forget that all of this has an effect on the kids,” says Yuen. “It doesn’t mean that when there’s a negative financial situation it will have bad outcomes for kids. In fact, many families emerge from the experience feeling closer, having better communication. Kids are very resilient and you can use this to build resilience.”

Make every effort to keep your children’s world from changing, so they know it’s still a safe place. Even though there may be less money, the family still eats dinner at the same time, the child still goes to school and is still expected to do homework.

“It’s when things change and things become unpredictable that kids get really scared,” says Yuen. “So no matter what their age is, they can be told and respond to what is going on. If dad lost his job, let’s talk about it. Kids are part of the family. They can contribute. They can help out. All the research shows that when their world is predictable, and when they’re communicated with, no matter what, kids respond well. And those are the kids who do better.”

Another important tip, says Yuen, is to help children use words to identify their feelings, and to continue to express your love for them. Telling them you love them, giving hugs and using calm, comforting words to soothe children is crucial to their continuing sense of well-being. At the same time, it’s important to express confidence and optimism in your own behavior, and to assure them that things will get better.

 

 

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