Here's the Beef

There's also Ostrich, Buffalo and Elk at Umeke Market.

Holy Cow! Umeke Market's Kamuela beef burger, featuring lettuce, tomato, cheese, onion and sprouts, is more than a mouthful. Photo: Jimmy Forrest

I like to think of myself as a burger purist, but my wife says I’m just nuts. Case in point: I’m proud to say that one of my favorite things in the world is a Punahou Carnival hamburger. I love them plain, with cheese, or teriyaki-style. I know that it’s just a simple, once-frozen, preformed and processed patty slapped between two pieces of bread, but that’s the beauty of it.

Because of this guilty little pleasure, whenever I see an interesting burger on a menu, I order it. The new Umeke Market, located in Bishop Square, has the most interesting selection of burgers in all of downtown Honolulu: nine different selections, offering a forest full of flavors such as Buffalo ($8.75), Ostrich ($8.75), Elk ($8.75), Venison ($8.75) and Free-Range Turkey ($7.75). There is also a Veggie ($7.75), Salmon ($7.50) and Kamuela Beef ($8.75).

Umeke, also a natural foods market, has a host of other bright, colorful and healthy dishes for breakfast and lunch — sandwiches, salads, wraps, soups and stews. But I was intent on eating an Elk burger. My dining companions also went with burgers, ordering a Veggie and a Buffalo.

The restaurant has an interesting layout that is a little confusing at first, but might actually be pretty ingenious. On one side of the space, there’s a lunch counter with prepared dishes in food warmers and two cash registers. If you want a plate lunch, you make your selections and pay for them at one of the registers. If you want something prepared, you stand in another line to order and have to walk to the other side of the room to pick up your food.

That pickup area is conveniently located in the grocery section of the restaurant, which is stocked with a delicious selection of office-friendly snacks, among other things. Lucky for me, the service was pretty fast and I made it out of the store with just our burgers.

Umeke’s burgers are attractive. My Elk came with cheddar cheese, lettuce, tomato, onions, sprouts, ketchup, Dijon mustard and organic mayonnaise neatly sandwiched between two slices of whole wheat lightly dusted with sesame seeds. On the side was a handful of krinkle-cut potato chips and four or five bright-orange baby carrots. My burger was filled with color and potential.

The elk was moist, softer and more tender than a conventional burger. It didn’t have any of the gamy flavor that I had anticipated. After eating half of the sandwich, I realized that the elk didn’t have much flavor at all. As the ketchup, sprouts, onions and Dijon began to dominate, I wondered, why bother eating meat at all if it is this meek?

My dining companion had a different reaction to her Buffalo burger. She was thoroughly satisfied and let me have a small sample. The buffalo did pack more of a flavor punch than the elk. However, the Veggie burger — made with sweet potato, millet, garbanzo beans, peas, carrots, onion and garlic — was disappointing. The flavors were OK, but the patty felt like a mashed potato patty in a bun, a mushy mess.

I returned to Umeke the following week and ordered the Kamuela beef burger. The Big Island beef is advertised as free range and free of antibiotics and hormones and “seasoned just right,” so I expected a very different experience than the elk. However, much to my surprise, it wasn’t. Again, the burger was very lean and moist, but it was also very soft and crumbly. The flavors were stronger than the elk, but they were easily overpowered by the minced garlic mixed in with the meat.

Next time, I’m ordering a salad, and I’ll keep counting the days until carnival time.

 

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