Building Healthy Relationships From the Start

The team at TAP808 understands that Hawaiʻi’s youths sometimes face dating violence and other abuse, and that many don’t know how to prevent it or where to turn for help.

“Prevention is the heart of our work,” says Jordan Renfrow, the program manager at TAP808, also known as the Teen Alert Program, a service of the Domestic Violence Action Center.

Renfrow and his colleagues talk often with people ages 12 to 21, including middle school, high school and college students, and hold community workshops to provide young people with “the knowledge, skills and support they need to build healthy relationships.”

The presentations introduce students to the concepts of healthy communication, respect, compatibility and the red flags that may indicate abuse.

“This is the time when young people are figuring out what’s normal and what’s not. If we wait until later, harmful patterns may already be set,” he says.

“Constant check-ins, tracking someone’s phone, demanding passwords — it might seem cute at first, but jealousy is a big red flag. We also see coercion with photos or secrets used for blackmail, and social abuse where someone isolates you from family and friends.”

TAP808 also offers one-on-one help, including safety planning and education, and accompanying abuse victims to court.

Abuse can mean more than physical violence, Renfrow says: It can also include emotional manipulation, controlling behavior and digital harassment.

It can be challenging for people to seek help due to the shame and stigma associated with abuse. “Only about 9% of youth come forward to ask for help,” Renfrow says.

In the U.S., 1 in 3 teens has been abused by their dating partners at some point, and in the past year, 1 in 10 high school students have been physically abused by their partner, according to the Domestic Violence Action Center.

“We also work with parents, teachers, coaches and community members so that the adults in young people’s lives are better equipped to respond,” Renfrow says.

TAP808 conducted surveys over three years through 2024 that showed that 83% of the parents surveyed in Hawaiʻi did not know the red flags for dating abuse.

The program launched its Parent Café, a new workshop series that combines education with open conversation, giving parents opportunities to connect with other families and to learn more about teen relationships. “For many teens, having one trusted adult can make a significant difference,” Renfrow says. Parents can join by requesting a presentation on TAP808’s website, tap808.org.

At Parent Café workshops, parents and caregivers learn about social media’s role in dating. Renfrow says that harassment and warning signs of violence often show up in social media posts and messages and that the tracking and stalking of young people has increased dramatically in recent years.

Renfrow was a high school teacher for about a decade before working at DVAC. “As a survivor of domestic violence myself, working for a nonprofit agency that provides services to young people was a natural fit,” he says.

From July 2025 through February 2026, about 17,000 youths and adults attended TAP808 presentations and activities.

“Education is one of the most powerful tools we have to break the cycle of abuse,” Renfrow says.